What Happens When She Has All Of The Control

Yes, it’s that time once again: The day we feature your dating and relationship questions. Although we would like to answer each one personally and with as much detail as possible, the overwhelming amount of inquiries forces us to highlight those that are most interesting to AskMen.com readers.This week’s Q&A focuses on why giving her the upper hand is never a good thing and how sometimes good food isn’t enough to make her see the romantic light. David DeAngelo, author of Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women, has your answers.

reader’s comment

SunLady,

Well, here’s what happened: I had a lady friend of mine over to the house the other night. We have been friends for a little while now and I have tried in the past to pursue this woman; but, like a lot of males in the world, I would always turn into a Wussy on her. This women is about 5-foot-nothing, with a beautiful mind and a beautiful body (she’s an 8 or 9 on my scale, and I’m picky). We haven’t talked in a while, so we caught up on each others’ lives, had some laughs with the Cocky & Funny attitude, and I even fixed dinner! Well, I told her before I made dinner that when we finished eating she owed me a 30-minute massage. She said OK. Now, we get done eating and she tells me to dim the lights and lie down. She tells me she is going to wash her hands, and never comes back. She left! What happened?!

JF, from Texas

Sun Lady responds

What happened?

You went and watched a chick flick all by yourself?

You cried yourself to sleep?

It’s probably horrible that I’m laughing at your misery, but hey, these things happen.

Don’t worry about it, man.

Next time, try making something other than Hamburger Helper with rainbow Popsicles for dessert.

I think you’re gonna live.

The problem is that you acted like a Wussy for so long that the thought of you being anything more than a friend made her run all the way home.

You created your own problem by trying to make a girl who was convinced that you were a Wuss into something more than a friend. It’s not easy.

reader’s comment

Hey ,

Let’s cut to the chase. Two things (first, the success story): I met this chick who was getting off work. I yelled out “Hey!” She came over to me. I started talking about anything and everything to get keep her attention — busting on her and all. She gave me her number after 20 minutes. But I didn’t call. Then, I ran into her again in the neighborhood, but this time I did the same thing plus asked her: “What’s your number again?” And then finally I wrote it down and scored on the second meeting after coffee. The stuff works, bro.

Now for the Wuss part: I met this chick last summer. She was in town for her job assignment that lasted for one month. She’s a real player. We met again after the party (she called me and said: “Hey, I’m coming over”) and within 30 minutes she was in my bed in her bra and panties. But I didn’t do anything cause she was complaining about how guys are such dogs. So, I didn’t do anything for the next five meetings. She said: “I’m glad you never did anything cause we still wouldn’t be talking if you did.” Anyway, last time we met she invites me and four other guys for dinner. She sits on their laps (just like she did with me) to make me jealous.

We have kept in touch for five months, and next month she’ll be back for a two-week visit. I have heard she’s talking to five other guys in town besides me. Whenever I confront her on the phone about these guys she says: “No! I’m not! And I’ve never slept with any of them, so ignore the rumors! Who do you believe, them or me?” She called me a month ago and let my phone ring once, and then when I called her back it was a guy’s voice (she moved in with her “friend” from high school).

My question is: I told her how I felt about her and she already said she just wants to be friends because she travels around a lot. She’ll be staying with one or two of these guys she’s talking to when she comes back, and she will try to make me so jealous — I know it. She called me last week and actually asked me for one of these guys’ numbers. I got angry and hung up on her (something I would never have done before), and then she called me back and actually seemed a lot more interested. Then I called her yesterday from  work and told her that a stripper approached me at a bar and asked me out, and then this girl said: “Oh, well, why don’t you go out with her then?” But then she said: “Oh, by the way, I’m coming back on April 21.” I want to beat her at her own damn game! But I already gave her so much power. I wish I could just take it all back and make her feel the same way.How do I handle this girl? She’s driving me nuts!

CJ

Houston, TX

Sun Lady responds

Wow, this is actually a very powerful story.

First, she intimidated you by telling you that “guys are dogs,” which caused you to not try to take things to a physical level.

When you did that, you failed the first test.

She intimidated you with her words!

Then, the more you pursued her without progressing, the more she tested you until she finally started insulting you right in front of a bunch of other guys!

By the way, when you mentioned that after you hung up on her she seemed a lot more interested — it’s probably true.

Look, man: Bail! Drop it. Hit the road.

You screwed up in the beginning by handing over the control of the relationship to her, and it’s not worth the trouble or hassle to try to take it back.

She’s probably the type of girl who loves to play guys and make them chase her, and who enjoys seeing how much a guy will do to get her — only to leave after he does all he can.

Move on.

But remember the lesson. Steer clear of women like this in the future.

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